My grandmother shared with me a glimpse into the past when she told me about her mother's homebirths. The thing that stuck out to me was her detailing of this woman, Miss Katie I believe it was, who came to the house a week or 2 before each birth. Miss Katie stayed in the house with them, cared for the children, cooked dinners, and generally kept the house running smoothly during the end of the pregnancy. She helped her mother birth the baby and then stayed an additional 2 weeks or so to continue to care for everyone after the birth and ensure that mother and baby were healthy. Who among you reading this isn't saying "I want a Miss Katie!!"?
I tell my clients that they need at least 2 weeks rest after birth. This is the bare minimum, assuming that the birth was vaginal and normal. One week of that needs to be in bed, mostly lying down. The second week needs to be in bed or around the house but not doing any of the usual household activities. "No vacuuming the ceiling" I am often overheard saying! I say two weeks because I know from experience, that is all I'm getting out of modern women. I recommend a month but tell them the 2 weeks is an absolute bare minimum. In cultures across the world, women often do a "lying in" period or a "babymoon" for 30 days or longer. During this time, they are cared for hand and foot. The belief across cultures is that if you take care of mom, she will care for and nurture the baby to the best of her ability.
So why do women need this kind of recovery time? After the baby is born, the placenta detaches from the wall of the uterus. Think of the placenta as being like an orange and the uterus is the peel. When the placenta peels off and is born, it leaves a wound which is where the postpartum bleeding comes from. Common advice for postpartum women is to monitor their bleeding. If the bleeding picks up noticeably after some activity, it is a sign from the body that you have done too much and you need to rest more. Why? Because the wound in the uterus has been disturbed.
It's interesting how hard of a time I have convincing women that they really need and DESERVE to have 2 weeks off. Dads are always right there on board with the idea of waiting on mom yet mom doesn't want to be waited on. I think this idea has become woven into our culture that being "down" makes you weak. It's like we want to be that woman that people talk about who took her 2 day old baby on a 10 mile hike. Or better yet, the woman one of my clients told me about who brought her 2 day old baby to a really nice restaurant. I'm all for fine dining but is it really necessary to do when your baby was just born 2 days ago?
Babymoons are for dads too. Take at least a week, preferably 2 weeks, off from work. With a little planning you can probably plan 2 weeks worth of food and additional help to allow the new family to bond together. Dads job is to take care of mom and mom's job is to take care of the baby. If you can have people bring you meals and plan for some close family or friends to drop by to help with dishes and other household tasks, then you can be truly free to bond as a family. Plan on spending the first week in bed with mom and the baby. Mom will feel better about being in bed for a week if you are there with her. Imagine how bonded you will be with your amazing newborn after a week of skin-to-skin contact!
One of the most common questions I get about babymooning is "What am I supposed to do in the house for 2 whole weeks?" The answer: You are supposed to be present with your baby. You will never ever get those first 2 weeks back. I've heard plenty of people say they wished they had babymooned and I have never heard even one person say they wished they hadn't! Just plan on using that time to get to know your baby, really get to know them. The busyness and craziness will return soon enough! It won't be long before you'll be looking back on that time wishing you had it again!
If it is your first baby, the babymoon is of utmost importance. Why? Because it is the best babymoon you will ever get! This is the only babymoon you will have without an older child running around that you both have to care for. When it's your first baby, you can truly just lie around revelling in the wonderfulness that is your baby. Often first-time mamas are the ones who want to be out and about as soon as possible. Ask and mom who's had a couple of kids and she'll tell you, babymooning is where it's at!
I often tell women to receive visitors the first week in their bedroom. People treat the visit differently when they have to come into your room. They usually stay for a shorter period (which many postpartum families appreciate!), are more respectful of the mother and baby pair, and are more helpful to the parents.
One thing that can help in the visitors department is to talk to everyone ahead and time and let them know what to expect. If you plan on spending the first day alone with the baby, say so. Explain to those close to you that you will be doing a babymoon and tell them why. It's also a lot easier to ask for help before you actually need it so consider asking certain people for the specific help you will need before the baby comes. An easy way to do this is to pass around a sign up sheet at your MotherBlessing or baby shower. That way you know who is coming and when.
So what kind of benefits will all this lying in get you? The babymoon supports the complete mother/baby dyad both physically and emotionally. The physical benefits for the mother are decreased postpartum bleeding, decreased healing time from vaginal tears, the uterus involutes (or returns to it's normal size and pre-pregnant place in the body) sooner, and mom is less likely to have any serious complications like blood clots and infection. Emotionally, the babymoon supports a healthy transition to breastfeeding hormones. Having the baby in close contact for the first 2 weeks keeps the mother's hormones balanced and makes it much less likely that she will experience postpartum depression. Studies show that moms are less likely to experience postpartum depression when they do a babymoon.
For the baby, the babymoon focuses all of the attention on him or her. The breastfeeding relationship is supported and mothers are more likely to feed the baby on request, rather than on a schedule which means the baby is more likely to thrive. Babies also have a high need for skin-to-skin contact that few people seem to know about it. Skin-to-skin contact helps the baby develop their brain and connect synapses within the brain. Many mammals with actually die without this skin-to-skin contact. We aren't one of those but that does illustrate how important it must be. The baby also is prevented from overstimulation when the mom is babymooning. Imagine life as a newborn. Everything you see is new! I imagine it being like going to Disney World and at the end of the day you have a headache from all the bells and whistles! Now imagine being a newborn baby being carted around to Walmart and the grocery store and the peditrician's office and you can quickly see why babies often dissolve into screams at the end of the day. Limiting the baby's contact with the outside world for the first 2 weeks or so helps alleviate this tendency.
In a homebirth, the babymoon is naturally supported. After the birth, the new mom (and dad too!) are tucked into bed for true rest. Her midwife returns 24 hours later, then again at 3 days, 5 days, 2 weeks, 4 weeks, and 6 weeks. All without the new mama ever having to leave her home. A babymoon can be enjoyed by anyone though, no matter how or where you birth. Just a little planning and your new family will be enjoying each other in babymoon bliss!
I tell my clients that they need at least 2 weeks rest after birth. This is the bare minimum, assuming that the birth was vaginal and normal. One week of that needs to be in bed, mostly lying down. The second week needs to be in bed or around the house but not doing any of the usual household activities. "No vacuuming the ceiling" I am often overheard saying! I say two weeks because I know from experience, that is all I'm getting out of modern women. I recommend a month but tell them the 2 weeks is an absolute bare minimum. In cultures across the world, women often do a "lying in" period or a "babymoon" for 30 days or longer. During this time, they are cared for hand and foot. The belief across cultures is that if you take care of mom, she will care for and nurture the baby to the best of her ability.
So why do women need this kind of recovery time? After the baby is born, the placenta detaches from the wall of the uterus. Think of the placenta as being like an orange and the uterus is the peel. When the placenta peels off and is born, it leaves a wound which is where the postpartum bleeding comes from. Common advice for postpartum women is to monitor their bleeding. If the bleeding picks up noticeably after some activity, it is a sign from the body that you have done too much and you need to rest more. Why? Because the wound in the uterus has been disturbed.
It's interesting how hard of a time I have convincing women that they really need and DESERVE to have 2 weeks off. Dads are always right there on board with the idea of waiting on mom yet mom doesn't want to be waited on. I think this idea has become woven into our culture that being "down" makes you weak. It's like we want to be that woman that people talk about who took her 2 day old baby on a 10 mile hike. Or better yet, the woman one of my clients told me about who brought her 2 day old baby to a really nice restaurant. I'm all for fine dining but is it really necessary to do when your baby was just born 2 days ago?
Babymoons are for dads too. Take at least a week, preferably 2 weeks, off from work. With a little planning you can probably plan 2 weeks worth of food and additional help to allow the new family to bond together. Dads job is to take care of mom and mom's job is to take care of the baby. If you can have people bring you meals and plan for some close family or friends to drop by to help with dishes and other household tasks, then you can be truly free to bond as a family. Plan on spending the first week in bed with mom and the baby. Mom will feel better about being in bed for a week if you are there with her. Imagine how bonded you will be with your amazing newborn after a week of skin-to-skin contact!
One of the most common questions I get about babymooning is "What am I supposed to do in the house for 2 whole weeks?" The answer: You are supposed to be present with your baby. You will never ever get those first 2 weeks back. I've heard plenty of people say they wished they had babymooned and I have never heard even one person say they wished they hadn't! Just plan on using that time to get to know your baby, really get to know them. The busyness and craziness will return soon enough! It won't be long before you'll be looking back on that time wishing you had it again!
If it is your first baby, the babymoon is of utmost importance. Why? Because it is the best babymoon you will ever get! This is the only babymoon you will have without an older child running around that you both have to care for. When it's your first baby, you can truly just lie around revelling in the wonderfulness that is your baby. Often first-time mamas are the ones who want to be out and about as soon as possible. Ask and mom who's had a couple of kids and she'll tell you, babymooning is where it's at!
I often tell women to receive visitors the first week in their bedroom. People treat the visit differently when they have to come into your room. They usually stay for a shorter period (which many postpartum families appreciate!), are more respectful of the mother and baby pair, and are more helpful to the parents.
One thing that can help in the visitors department is to talk to everyone ahead and time and let them know what to expect. If you plan on spending the first day alone with the baby, say so. Explain to those close to you that you will be doing a babymoon and tell them why. It's also a lot easier to ask for help before you actually need it so consider asking certain people for the specific help you will need before the baby comes. An easy way to do this is to pass around a sign up sheet at your MotherBlessing or baby shower. That way you know who is coming and when.
So what kind of benefits will all this lying in get you? The babymoon supports the complete mother/baby dyad both physically and emotionally. The physical benefits for the mother are decreased postpartum bleeding, decreased healing time from vaginal tears, the uterus involutes (or returns to it's normal size and pre-pregnant place in the body) sooner, and mom is less likely to have any serious complications like blood clots and infection. Emotionally, the babymoon supports a healthy transition to breastfeeding hormones. Having the baby in close contact for the first 2 weeks keeps the mother's hormones balanced and makes it much less likely that she will experience postpartum depression. Studies show that moms are less likely to experience postpartum depression when they do a babymoon.
For the baby, the babymoon focuses all of the attention on him or her. The breastfeeding relationship is supported and mothers are more likely to feed the baby on request, rather than on a schedule which means the baby is more likely to thrive. Babies also have a high need for skin-to-skin contact that few people seem to know about it. Skin-to-skin contact helps the baby develop their brain and connect synapses within the brain. Many mammals with actually die without this skin-to-skin contact. We aren't one of those but that does illustrate how important it must be. The baby also is prevented from overstimulation when the mom is babymooning. Imagine life as a newborn. Everything you see is new! I imagine it being like going to Disney World and at the end of the day you have a headache from all the bells and whistles! Now imagine being a newborn baby being carted around to Walmart and the grocery store and the peditrician's office and you can quickly see why babies often dissolve into screams at the end of the day. Limiting the baby's contact with the outside world for the first 2 weeks or so helps alleviate this tendency.
In a homebirth, the babymoon is naturally supported. After the birth, the new mom (and dad too!) are tucked into bed for true rest. Her midwife returns 24 hours later, then again at 3 days, 5 days, 2 weeks, 4 weeks, and 6 weeks. All without the new mama ever having to leave her home. A babymoon can be enjoyed by anyone though, no matter how or where you birth. Just a little planning and your new family will be enjoying each other in babymoon bliss!
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