I have to admit. I'm on a jag. Ever since my second daughter was born, I've been all about my parents catching their own babies. When she was born, even being in the birth and midwifery community, I rarely heard about people wanting to catch their own babies or midwives that encouraged it. Maybe it was because of my own midwifery experience but I decided I was absolutely catching her myself and I asked my midwife to sit in the corner. I wanted her there in case I needed her but I wanted to be my own midwife. My husband and I both caught our daughter as she was birthed into warm water in one of those infamous fishy pools. It was a feeling that can't be easily explained but the best way I've thought of to describe it is that it just felt "right".
When I started in my path to becoming a midwife, I remember being told and reading in several places that women needed the help of a midwife or else they would tear horribly. Women need perineal support and they weren't particularly good at doing it themselves. If you let a woman push without your help, she would surely rip. That was the feel I got about it. As with anything you are told with authority, it's something that I never questioned, I just assumed it was true.
Then I went to Jamaica to midwife women in an under-served area. To say the nurses were generally hands off was an understatement! They wore the most beautiful white uniforms and I remember thinking when I first got there "How on earth do they keep those so clean?" Turns out it's because they midwife from a distance! Not that it was a bad thing. I saw woman after woman walk into the "delivery" room, announce calmly that the baby was coming, lie down, push 3 times and easily birth a baby with no tears. The midwives merely caught the baby as they actually came out. No perineal support...Hmmmm.
After I returned to the states, I noticed a common stage during pushing that nearly every woman displayed. There was this point that I knew was the push or 2 or 3 before crowning that the woman would become discouraged. Often they would exclaim "Nothing is happening!" or "He's never coming out!" I would ask if it felt like the baby was moving lower and the woman would usually say "I have no idea. I don't know. I can't tell." I would respond "Why don't you feel with the next push and see what you can feel." With the next push nearly everyone woman would light up with recognition. She would often exclaim something like "Ooooh! The head is right there! No wonder this feels so hard!" Or something to that affect. Then within 2 or 3 pushes, the baby would be born.
The best way I've thought of to describe this is that we just aren't as used to feeling things with our vagina! Our hands tell us so much more! I've found that several things happen when a woman births her own baby into her own hands:
~She's less likely to tear or to need stitches. Why? Because she knows exactly how hard to push. Her hands tell her when she gets to that point of burning and she pulls back. She knows where the baby's head is and how fast she is birthing it. She knows where to provide support based on where she is feeling needs more support.
~ Pushing takes less time because mom knows exactly where the head is and is able to feel a sense of control. She isn't afraid.
~ Moms seem much more ecstatic about their birth. They feel completely empowered, like they can do anything. I call it Superwoman Syndrome!
Catching his own baby is every bit as transformative for dads. What I usually recommend is that the mom birth the head and the dad help her to bring the baby to the surface. This seems to work the best since moms don't usually want to be touched during crowning and dads often feel like they're not sure what they are supposed to be doing then. In almost all physiological births (meaning the process was not interupted), the head is birthed on one surge and the rest of the baby comes on the next one. This allows dads ample opportunity to get into position and see and feel the baby's head. I've seen fathers instantly transformed into daddies when they gently bring their new baby to the surface and into mama's arms. Often times the first thought dads have when this idea is introduced is "no way" but I will say I've never once heard a dad say they regreted doing it. Quite the opposite! I once overheard a dad after the birth calling the office to say he couldn't come to work that day. "Bill! Hey, I can't make it to work today. S finally had the baby!...Yeah we're great!! I delivered her!...Yeah ME! I was the first one to touch her!! She came out right into my arms!!!...Yeah, I really did!...Ok, thanks! See you Monday." I always wondered what his boss thought!
Symbolically speaking, the parents were the ones to make their baby and they are the ones who are there immediately after birth. Imagine that you are a baby about to be born. Would you prefer being birthed gently into your parents waiting arms with a midwife waiting watchfully beside them or would you rather be pushed into the hands of a stranger who immediately severe your attachment to your mother, suction your nose and mouth, roughly rub you with scratchy towels, diaper you, wrap you up tightly in 3 blankets and then give you to your parents? Not many people would choose the latter!
I think it is important that midwives do recognize their role. As a midwife, your job is most certainly not to catch the baby. That might be part of what you do in certain situations but that is not your job. Your job is sit beside the parents, allowing birth to unfold as it is supposed to, watchfully waiting. If your assistance is needed, then you help. But ask yourself if it is really needed. I've heard it said before that midwives should be like lifeguards. A lifeguard doesn't jump in and try to save someone who is swimming. They are there IF you need them and the assumption is that you WON'T need them. Think about it, when was the last time you went to the pool and thought "I'm probably going to need that lifeguard today!" But if you do need a lifeguard, aren't you glad they are there, watching, ready to jump in and save you if you're drowning?
When I started in my path to becoming a midwife, I remember being told and reading in several places that women needed the help of a midwife or else they would tear horribly. Women need perineal support and they weren't particularly good at doing it themselves. If you let a woman push without your help, she would surely rip. That was the feel I got about it. As with anything you are told with authority, it's something that I never questioned, I just assumed it was true.
Then I went to Jamaica to midwife women in an under-served area. To say the nurses were generally hands off was an understatement! They wore the most beautiful white uniforms and I remember thinking when I first got there "How on earth do they keep those so clean?" Turns out it's because they midwife from a distance! Not that it was a bad thing. I saw woman after woman walk into the "delivery" room, announce calmly that the baby was coming, lie down, push 3 times and easily birth a baby with no tears. The midwives merely caught the baby as they actually came out. No perineal support...Hmmmm.
After I returned to the states, I noticed a common stage during pushing that nearly every woman displayed. There was this point that I knew was the push or 2 or 3 before crowning that the woman would become discouraged. Often they would exclaim "Nothing is happening!" or "He's never coming out!" I would ask if it felt like the baby was moving lower and the woman would usually say "I have no idea. I don't know. I can't tell." I would respond "Why don't you feel with the next push and see what you can feel." With the next push nearly everyone woman would light up with recognition. She would often exclaim something like "Ooooh! The head is right there! No wonder this feels so hard!" Or something to that affect. Then within 2 or 3 pushes, the baby would be born.
The best way I've thought of to describe this is that we just aren't as used to feeling things with our vagina! Our hands tell us so much more! I've found that several things happen when a woman births her own baby into her own hands:
~She's less likely to tear or to need stitches. Why? Because she knows exactly how hard to push. Her hands tell her when she gets to that point of burning and she pulls back. She knows where the baby's head is and how fast she is birthing it. She knows where to provide support based on where she is feeling needs more support.
~ Pushing takes less time because mom knows exactly where the head is and is able to feel a sense of control. She isn't afraid.
~ Moms seem much more ecstatic about their birth. They feel completely empowered, like they can do anything. I call it Superwoman Syndrome!
Catching his own baby is every bit as transformative for dads. What I usually recommend is that the mom birth the head and the dad help her to bring the baby to the surface. This seems to work the best since moms don't usually want to be touched during crowning and dads often feel like they're not sure what they are supposed to be doing then. In almost all physiological births (meaning the process was not interupted), the head is birthed on one surge and the rest of the baby comes on the next one. This allows dads ample opportunity to get into position and see and feel the baby's head. I've seen fathers instantly transformed into daddies when they gently bring their new baby to the surface and into mama's arms. Often times the first thought dads have when this idea is introduced is "no way" but I will say I've never once heard a dad say they regreted doing it. Quite the opposite! I once overheard a dad after the birth calling the office to say he couldn't come to work that day. "Bill! Hey, I can't make it to work today. S finally had the baby!...Yeah we're great!! I delivered her!...Yeah ME! I was the first one to touch her!! She came out right into my arms!!!...Yeah, I really did!...Ok, thanks! See you Monday." I always wondered what his boss thought!
Symbolically speaking, the parents were the ones to make their baby and they are the ones who are there immediately after birth. Imagine that you are a baby about to be born. Would you prefer being birthed gently into your parents waiting arms with a midwife waiting watchfully beside them or would you rather be pushed into the hands of a stranger who immediately severe your attachment to your mother, suction your nose and mouth, roughly rub you with scratchy towels, diaper you, wrap you up tightly in 3 blankets and then give you to your parents? Not many people would choose the latter!
I think it is important that midwives do recognize their role. As a midwife, your job is most certainly not to catch the baby. That might be part of what you do in certain situations but that is not your job. Your job is sit beside the parents, allowing birth to unfold as it is supposed to, watchfully waiting. If your assistance is needed, then you help. But ask yourself if it is really needed. I've heard it said before that midwives should be like lifeguards. A lifeguard doesn't jump in and try to save someone who is swimming. They are there IF you need them and the assumption is that you WON'T need them. Think about it, when was the last time you went to the pool and thought "I'm probably going to need that lifeguard today!" But if you do need a lifeguard, aren't you glad they are there, watching, ready to jump in and save you if you're drowning?
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