There's a certain look people give me when I mention Ecstatic Birth. You know the "You are talkin' crazy talk now!" look. A couple of months ago a male friend of mine who has 2 young kids called and left a message with me after he had heard my voicemail message which mentions Ecstatic Birth classes. He was like "And yeah...I'd kinda like to talk to you about this ecstatic birth thing and like how...that would be...possible." It was a laugh out loud moment!

So what do I mean when I say that a birth was ecstatic? I think of the hormonal blueprint that nature intends to be in place during birth. When birth is undisturbed and the mother is not fearful, birth is ecstatic. When birth is disturbed and/or the mother is fearful, birth is less than ecstatic!

Let's talk about what happens during labor. Contrary to popular belief, the uterus does not "squeeze" the baby out. That's not how it works. A contraction, or surge as I prefer to call them because let's face it, it just sounds better, is the action and relaxation of 2 muscles. For the next couple of moments, bend and straighten your arm. When you bend your arm, your bicep contracts and your tricep relaxes. Does it hurt to do this? A uterus contracts the exact same way.

The uterus is made up of vertical muscle fibers and horizontal muscle fibers. The vertical muscles are meant to contract and draw up the bottom of the uterus to open the cervix. The horizontal muscles are meant to relax around the cervix. Their job of holding the cervix shut for 9 months is done! During a surge, the horizontal muscles relax and the vertical muscles pull the uterus up and the cervix open.

Now let's look at how hormones affect this action during labor. There are basically 2 ways labor can go hormonally. There's the fearful, adrenaline filled way and the calm, relaxed, feeling good endorphin way. We'll start with the fearful way.

Let's say that a woman grew up hearing birth stories that scared her. She had never heard of a birth being anything but excruciatingly painful. Then, she gets pregnant and goes to the doctor. There are all these tests and procedures that imply that pregnancy isn't safe. Worry sets in. Labor starts and she is scared for the baby's life, afterall, everything that has led up to this point has told her that pregnancy and birth are not safe. She goes to the hospital early in labor, the transportation of herself during labor being the first disruption in the birth process. She arrives at the hospital and is asked to fill out paperwork, answer a bunch of questions, and pee in a cup to ensure that she is healthy. "Do you have a living will?" the nurse asks. This is a routine question that they must ask. She's thinking, "Am I going to need one?" "What's your pain level on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst pain you've ever felt in your life?" "I guess...a 5," she says as she thinks about what it will be like to get to 10. She is strapped onto the fetal monitor and an IV is started "just in case." In case of what? is the lingering question in her mind. Now, left alone with her partner in a brightly lit room, surrounded by equipment that implies that birth is dangerous, unable to move around freely, now is where labor gets painful.

What has happened is that her body has dumped adrenaline into her system. Adrenaline sounds at first like it might be a good hormone for labor but the opposite is true. Adrenaline intensifies feelings of pain. Physically, when adrenaline is released it tells the body that this is not a safe place to let the baby out. The horizontal muscles around the cervix contract instead of relax so the vertical muscles press ever harder onto a cervix that refuses to open. The body begins to use the baby's head as a sort of battering ram to try to pry the cervix open. Ouch for both parties! The woman's body goes into preservation mode and much of the oxygenated blood is shunted away from the uterus to all of the vital organs in the mother's body. Less oxygen means 2 things. 1.) The baby has less oxygen and is much more likely to go into distress. and 2.) The uterus has less oxygen to work therefore it hurts more and works less effectively.

Hormonally, having adrenaline coursing through the body inhibits the release of 2 hormones, oxytocin and endorphins. Oxytocin is the hormone of labor and is necessary to produce effective surges. Endorphins counteract feelings of pain and help women cope with labor effectively. Basically her body has been given the message that it is not safe to birth here. Back when we lived in the wild, this response was incredibly necessary because a woman might need to stop labor in the presence of a predator. In this modern birth situation, one of 2 things will happen. If her body feels she is past the point of no return, the baby will be born quickly but not without a lot of pain and a feeling of loss of control by the mother. She will birth without the benefit of her body's feel good morphine-like drug, endorphins. The most likely situation that will arise though is that oxytocin is inhibited and labor ceases. It will begin again when she feels calm and safe again. My record for this happening was 5 times over a 5 day period. Every day the woman would labor at home beautifully only to have labor stop when she arrived at the hospital. She would go home, labor beautifully some more until it seemed progress had been made and then return to the hospital a centimeter or so more dilated. But labor always stopped at the hospital. Finally on the 5th day of her labor she arrived at 5cm and her body took off in labor as if it had tried waiting her out as long as possible but now it made the decision to just birth the baby as quickly as possible.

Fortunately for the hospital, they don't have to wait around for women to release oxytocin. If they did we might see a lot more doulas comforting laboring women, coaxing them to relax. There's this little drug called Pitocin which is synthetic oxytocin. Sounds great right? It's *just* like what your body releases...not quite! Normally oxytocin and endorphins go hand in hand. When oxytocin is released, it amps up the surges but endorphins are released to counteract any pain sensations. But, when pitocin is given through an IV, endorphins are not released. The woman is left with ever increasing surges, stronger and closer together than her body would ever give them to her, and she has none of her natural pain-killers on board.

Now you see why birth is portrayed as the "I HATE YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME!! GIVE ME DRUGS NOOOWWWW!" fiasco that the media so loves. How many of you have even lived it? I hear these stories all the time and when I used to do hospital births, it was how I saw birth most of the time. Now let's look at the other calmer, gentler way that Mother Nature intends for birth.

Let's take the same woman who has grown up hearing scary birth stories. But somehow in there some where she decides that homebirth is for her. Maybe she heard just one homebirth story or read just one thing about it but she knows it is how she wants to birth. Throughout pregnancy she sees her midwife for at least an hour every prenatal and is able to discuss her hopes and fears. Her fears are neither discarded and shunned nor nurtured and given fuel. They are discussed, information is given, and plans are made. Every appointment the woman hears about another woman who had a triumphant birth. Information is given about every test and procedure. Her and her partner discuss and decide upon each test, procedure, and treatment. The decisions are theirs alone and they are respected. She and her partner take a childbirth class, read,  watch videos, and learn together how to be calm and relaxed when the big day comes. When labor arrives, they tune into each other. They keep the lights dim, they cuddle and sway, her partner whispers words of encouragement. The surges are each stronger than the last and labor progresses quickly but they are never stronger than the mom can handle. The midwife arrives quietly and integrates herself respectfully into the woman's birth space. After looking deeply into her midwife's eyes for reassurance, the woman feels that all is well (because it is!). Soon she feels her body change rhythms and powerfully turn to pushing her baby out. It is strong and powerful but the woman feels that she is too. She births her baby gently, quickly, efficiently and the biggest flood of hormones in her entire life begins.

Physically what happen when a woman feels safe and secure during labor is the uterus floods with oxygen. The baby is supplied with plentiful oxygen-rich blood and the uterus is able to work effectively with minimal effort. The horizontal muscles around the cervix relax perfectly so the vertical muscles merely need to gather the uterus upwards to gently open the cervix. When this happens, labor need not be painful at all. In fact, you'd be surprised how many women tell me that it wasn't painful at all, hard work but not painful.

Hormonally, the two buddies oxytocin and endorphins walk hand in hand, each feeding off the other. More oxytocin = more endorphins = more oxytocin = more endorphins. Can you imagine a birth in which a woman coped better and better as labor progressed? I see it all the time. Most notably I had this homebirth client who was a first time mama. She was really needy and whiny in the beginning of labor. "Oh my back! It hurts so much" etc. I started to worry about how she would cope as labor progressed. Much to my surprise, the woman who needed constant reassurance during early labor had progressed into a stronger and stronger woman as her labor progressed. By the time she was pushing, she was completely silent and within herself. Most first time mamas look for reassurance when their body starts pushing but not her! I knew she had been pushing the past few surges but imagine my surprise when she suddenly said out of the silence "He's out. The baby's out." and she calmly reached in the water and brought her baby to the surface. Afterwards she said the beginning was hard but after that it felt like she was "on a high" and like she "could do anything." She said she felt completely in tune, instinctive, yet in control. This is what Mother Nature intended! 

Mother Nature's next secret is the true secret to ecstatic birthing. When mom has birthed this way and remains for the most part undisturbed postpartum AND she has her baby with her at all times, her body begins the biggest hormone dump of her life. She is flooded, literally flooded with oxytocin. Here's something I didn't mention before: Oxytocin, while being the hormone of labor, is mostly the hormone of LOVE. Think back to a time you fell in love. What did you feel in your body? That was oxytocin! It is also the hormone of bonding and guess what? It is the hormone is orgasm! That's right, your body releases oxytocin to bring on orgasm. So now, a few minutes postpartum, the woman's body is flooded with this lovey-dovey hormone. Suddenly, and it is quite sudden sometimes, the mom is gushing about her baby, exploring every inch of him. "I love him SO MUCH!" she says over and over. And thus she and her baby are bonded for life, her milk comes in sooner, she feels that all is well in the world. In short, she is ECSTATIC! 

My grandmother shared with me a glimpse into the past when she told me about her mother's homebirths. The thing that stuck out to me was her detailing of this woman, Miss Katie I believe it was, who came to the house a week or 2 before each birth. Miss Katie stayed in the house with them, cared for the children, cooked dinners, and generally kept the house running smoothly during the end of the pregnancy. She helped her mother birth the baby and then stayed an additional 2 weeks or so to continue to care for everyone after the birth and ensure that mother and baby were healthy. Who among you reading this isn't saying "I want a Miss Katie!!"?

I tell my clients that they need at least 2 weeks rest after birth. This is the bare minimum, assuming that the birth was vaginal and normal. One week of that needs to be in bed, mostly lying down. The second week needs to be in bed or around the house but not doing any of the usual household activities. "No vacuuming the ceiling" I am often overheard saying! I say two weeks because I know from experience, that is all I'm getting out of modern women. I recommend a month but tell them the 2 weeks is an absolute bare minimum. In cultures across the world, women often do a "lying in" period or a "babymoon" for 30 days or longer. During this time, they are cared for hand and foot. The belief across cultures is that if you take care of mom, she will care for and nurture the baby to the best of her ability.

So why do women need this kind of recovery time? After the baby is born, the placenta detaches from the wall of the uterus. Think of the placenta as being like an orange and the uterus is the peel. When the placenta peels off and is born, it leaves a wound which is where the postpartum bleeding comes from. Common advice for postpartum women is to monitor their bleeding. If the bleeding picks up noticeably after some activity, it is a sign from the body that you have done too much and you need to rest more. Why? Because the wound in the uterus has been disturbed.

It's interesting how hard of a time I have convincing women that they really need and DESERVE to have 2 weeks off. Dads are always right there on board with the idea of waiting on mom yet mom doesn't want to be waited on. I think this idea has become woven into our culture that being "down" makes you weak. It's like we want to be that woman that people talk about who took her 2 day old baby on a 10 mile hike. Or better yet, the woman one of my clients told me about who brought her 2 day old baby to a really nice restaurant. I'm all for fine dining but is it really necessary to do when your baby was just born 2 days ago?

Babymoons are for dads too. Take at least a week, preferably 2 weeks, off from work. With a little planning you can probably plan 2 weeks worth of food and additional help to allow the new family to bond together. Dads job is to take care of mom and mom's job is to take care of the baby. If you can have people bring you meals and plan for some close family or friends to drop by to help with dishes and other household tasks, then you can be truly free to bond as a family. Plan on spending the first week in bed with mom and the baby. Mom will feel better about being in bed for a week if you are there with her. Imagine how bonded you will be with your amazing newborn after a week of skin-to-skin contact! 

One of the most common questions I get about babymooning is "What am I supposed to do in the house for 2 whole weeks?" The answer: You are supposed to be present with your baby. You will never ever get those first 2 weeks back. I've heard plenty of people say they wished they had babymooned and I have never heard even one person say they wished they hadn't! Just plan on using that time to get to know your baby, really get to know them. The busyness and craziness will return soon enough! It won't be long before you'll be looking back on that time wishing you had it again!

If it is your first baby, the babymoon is of utmost importance. Why? Because it is the best babymoon you will ever get! This is the only babymoon you will have without an older child running around that you both have to care for. When it's your first baby, you can truly just lie around revelling in the wonderfulness that is your baby. Often first-time mamas are the ones who want to be out and about as soon as possible. Ask and mom who's had a couple of kids and she'll tell you, babymooning is where it's at!

I often tell women to receive visitors the first week in their bedroom. People treat the visit differently when they have to come into your room. They usually stay for a shorter period (which many postpartum families appreciate!), are more respectful of the mother and baby pair, and are more helpful to the parents.

One thing that can help in the visitors department is to talk to everyone ahead and time and let them know what to expect. If you plan on spending the first day alone with the baby, say so. Explain to those close to you that you will be doing a babymoon and tell them why. It's also a lot easier to ask for help before you actually need it so consider asking certain people for the specific help you will need before the baby comes. An easy way to do this is to pass around a sign up sheet at your MotherBlessing or baby shower. That way you know who is coming and when.

So what kind of benefits will all this lying in get you? The babymoon supports the complete mother/baby dyad both physically and emotionally. The physical benefits for the mother are decreased postpartum bleeding, decreased healing time from vaginal tears, the uterus involutes (or returns to it's normal size and pre-pregnant place in the body) sooner, and mom is less likely to have any serious complications like blood clots and infection. Emotionally, the babymoon supports a healthy transition to breastfeeding hormones. Having the baby in close contact for the first 2 weeks keeps the mother's hormones balanced and makes it much less likely that she will experience postpartum depression. Studies show that moms are less likely to experience postpartum depression when they do a babymoon.

For the baby, the babymoon focuses all of the attention on him or her. The breastfeeding relationship is supported and mothers are more likely to feed the baby on request, rather than on a schedule which means the baby is more likely to thrive. Babies also have a high need for skin-to-skin contact that few people seem to know about it. Skin-to-skin contact helps the baby develop their brain and connect synapses within the brain. Many mammals with actually die without this skin-to-skin contact. We aren't one of those but that does illustrate how important it must be. The baby also is prevented from overstimulation when the mom is babymooning. Imagine life as a newborn. Everything you see is new! I imagine it being like going to Disney World and at the end of the day you have a headache from all the bells and whistles! Now imagine being a newborn baby being carted around to Walmart and the grocery store and the peditrician's office and you can quickly see why babies often dissolve into screams at the end of the day. Limiting the baby's contact with the outside world for the first 2 weeks or so helps alleviate this tendency.

In a homebirth, the babymoon is naturally supported. After the birth, the new mom (and dad too!) are tucked into bed for true rest. Her midwife returns 24 hours later, then again at 3 days, 5 days, 2 weeks, 4 weeks, and 6 weeks. All without the new mama ever having to leave her home. A babymoon can be enjoyed by anyone though, no matter how or where you birth. Just a little planning and your new family will be enjoying each other in babymoon bliss!